Idle Chatter

People Wonder What the Pits Were Like

People on social media wonder what the old trading pits were like. Occasionally, I share some stories here to let the younguns know what the pit was like. Without actually being physically present in the pit, it is impossible to explain. But, there are enough dinosaurs around that remember.

Most of the time during the trading day, not much was going on. Opens and closes were always busy. Usually, an hour after the open, it was busy. It was after that when things slowed down, stuff happened. Not dwarf tossing or feats of drinking. That was for after the close. During the day, it was idle chatter and gum being worked furiously by jaws.

When it rocked, it rocked. But, rocking was only about 10% of the time. I don’t know what was worse. Having a losing position that took money out of your account slowly, drip, drip, drip. Death by a thousand cuts. Or, one quick move in the market that felt like a hot branding iron burrowing into your soul.

Winners never felt like that. I never got too excited about winners. Like a great round of golf, you’d always look at the putt you missed or the shot you missed, knowing it could have been a little better. If you had a big position and had held it for a while, when you got out, I always felt an adrenaline drop, and life slowed down. If it was bang-bang, you just kept going, and at the end of the day, if you were up money, you’d get that slowdown as you counted up your cards.

The rest of the time, you either sat there and watched the market quietly or you chatted idly. This is a story about idle chatter.

The market was slow. The pit traders started talking. Flynn looked at Kalban and said, “Do you remember ORV?” PAX listened in while trying to pay attention to the market. PAX had a position. A couple of other traders heard the question and started to listen in.

“Yes, I remember ORV.”, said Kalban. Other traders said, “Yes.”

“Remember the time he came into the pit and said, ‘I got the greatest news in the world.’”

“What’s that ORV?” someone asked.

“I just found out I was dyslexic. All these years I thought I was dumb.”, said ORV.

Kalban and Flynn let out a laugh that people could hear for generations. PAX smiled and started to laugh himself, despite the market going against him a tick. Orv worked in the pits for years. He died suddenly and was no more. Everyone loved Orv. He was built like a fire hydrant. He was quick-witted, faster than any western gunslinger. He was honest. He brought a trail of people like Flynn to the floor.

Bubbles chimed in. “I went to college with him. Was in the same fraternity.”

“You were?” exclaimed Kalban. “That had to be crazy.”

Bubbles smiled. “He was never much of a drinker, but he was funny. He ran track. Orv was a sprinter, not a distance guy. The track coach was pissed at him and stuck him in the mile. They were running at Illinois State, and this kid from ISU was going to set the record in the mile that day. Well, they are running, and the real distance runners take off like deer. Orv runs with them for a while, and by the first 400, he’s gassed.

Bubbles paused and then went on.

So, Orv sees all the newspaper cameramen lining the track around the starting line. He labors through the next lap. The real distance runners lap him. His coach is yelling at him to run. He wants to puke. He keeps going and is coming down the straightaway on his third lap. He hears the crowd roar, and he looks behind him to see the kid from ISU come barreling off the curve. He looks in front of him and sees them setting up the tape.

Bubbles paused so everyone could get a mental image of this 5’7” stocky guy trying to labor through a mile.

Bubbles went on. “Orv dug deep and started running as hard as he could. He sees the ISU kid starting to catch up to him, so Orv runs harder. As they hit the finish line, Orv arches his back, leans out his chest, and takes the tape! Flashbulbs are going off. ISU kid stops, and Orv keeps running with the tape on his last lap. The next day in the paper, there is a photo of Orv taking the tape. Didn’t even put his name in the caption.” Bubbles started giggling. Flynn and Kalban were roaring along with anyone else who happened to be listening. The market was going PAX’s way, so he let out an uneasy, nervous, machine-gun laugh.

“Remember that one time he had the worst card players in the world at his house?” asked Flynn.

Kalban said, “I never heard that one.” Flynn started to relay the story to Kalban, but the entire pit was listening in.

Flynn said, “Ernie was going out with his wife. He brought Ernie down to the floor. Orv calls him up. Ernie says, “What’s up ORV?” Orv says, “I have four of the worst card players you ever saw in your entire life sitting in my basement.” Ernie says, “I can’t come over, Orv. It’s 6 PM. I am going out with my wife. She’s gonna be pissed.” Orv said, “Get your ass over here right now.”

So Ernie tells his wife he has to go to Orv’s. She was pissed. Ernie drives over to Orv’s house and gets there by 6:30. When he pulls into the driveway, he can make out Orv’s outline in the screen door. It was like a scene out of a Hitchcock movie.

Ernie shuts down his pick-up and walks to the door. Orv opens the door and grabs Ernie by the shirt. “Okay, whatever you make, 10% is mine.” Ernie looks at him. “10%”, said Orv.

Ernie and Orv descend into his basement. The four pigeons were sitting in their chairs. It was a Midwestern basement bar. Orv had a deluxe card table, a bar with an Old Style light, and a smallish television mounted on a shelf in the corner. A faux Tiffany-style Old Style light illuminated the table.

Orv introduced Ernie to the pigeons. Then, he started dealing cards. At midnight, the phone rings. Orv picks it up. “No, he can’t talk right now. He’s fine.” He hung up the phone. In two more hours, the pigeons had had enough. They shook hands and left.

Orv looked at Ernie, “Time to settle up, buddy.” Orv had a broad smile on his face.

Ernie picked up the bills. He started peeling off $ 20s, $ 50s, and $ 100s. When he got to $2500, he handed the stack of bills over to Orv. Ernie laughed too. He smiled at Orv and they walked outside side by side.

“See you Monday.”, said Orv.

“See you Monday, buddy.”, said Ernie. He started up his car and drove home. When he got home, he found his wife asleep on the couch. It was 3 AM. The television was still on, casting a soft glow of light around the house. She heard him come in.

“How was it?” she asked.

Ernie reached into his pocket. He peeled off 20 Ben Franklin’s and handed them to his wife. “It was pretty good.”, he said and went off to bed.

Kalban started laughing uncontrollably. So, did other traders who had gathered around to listen. “Oh my gosh.”, one said, “Brilliant move by Elwaine. He gives up 25% and keeps the rest.”

“Sold”, yelled PAX. The pit jumped. PAX carded up the trade. He made a profit.

Flynn said, “I miss Orv. Man, I miss Orv.”

Another trader who didn’t know Orv said, “I wish I knew Orv.”

“Me too. Me too.”, said Flynn, and his voice trailed off into the din of the pit.