The Big 10

Not 10

Like most people, you saw the demise of the Pac-12 coming as soon as UCLA and USC flew the coop for the Big 10. It’s about money of course. Teevee money.

What is interesting to me is that some businesses are becoming decentralized but college sports is becoming more centralized. It’s not just TV but NIL and the transfer portal. Athletes look more and more like pros, which is probably a good thing since before they were more like indentured servants.

Let’s be honest, this is about Men’s Football and Men’s Basketball. Nothing else. Without those two, no D1 athletic department can make it. No one is shedding tears for field hockey or gymnastics. If you are an athlete in a non-revenue sport, just be happy you have a chance to play it even on a partial scholarship at a big-time school. You should genuflect every time you walk by the football stadium or basketball arena.

“Here Mr Athlete, take this four-year scholarship to our school in return for working for us to generate millions of dollars that fund our athletic department and pay our famous coach. In return, we will keep you so busy you cannot possibly attend your classes but we want you to graduate so we will put you in a gut major with a tutor and the right professors so you walk out with a degree.”

I hear the cries from people like Dick Vitale about how the NIL and transfer portal are killing the game. I empathize with that logic. At the same time, there are other things killing it. I think there will be a lot of growth in the NBA D League in the coming years. The one and dones will be better off in the D League than in college. College football will be unaffected because the NFL needs college football.

That being said, I do like college sports.

What I like about college sports is the rivalry. They are intense. I went to an Ole Miss game and was watching Mississippi State play Georgia in The Grove. Mississippi State had a chance to score near the end of the game which would have put them in a good position to win it. I asked the woman next to me if “we cheer for MSU” because they are from Mississippi. She said, “We never cheer for Mississippi State. Ever. No matter the circumstance.” Other friends of mine who went to MSU “don’t get too excited to watch the Rebels play.”

Yale vs Harvard, Michigan vs Ohio St., Alabama and Auburn, Florida and Florida State, Oklahoma and Texas. The lesser rivalries are great too. Minnesota and Wisconsin, Illinois and Purdue, BYU and Utah.

Conference realignment wrecked some rivalries and hopefully, this realignment will try and preserve some. Oklahoma and Nebraska are one example, but Missouri and Kansas are another. Texas and Texas A+M was a big rivalry that will be resurrected with Texas going into the SEC.

The real problem is in college football, you need 6 wins to go to a bowl. The Bowlapalooza that happens every December is out of hand. Who even watches those games? That gives a huge incentive for schools to schedule at least three cupcakes. Michigan’s schedule has them starting with three appetizers before they play a big-time team. All at home. I’d like to see both college football and basketball stop that.

I miss the old college conferences when it was smaller. The Pac 8 became the Pac 10 when the Arizona schools left the WAC, then became the Pac 12. The Big 8 was a great football conference. I liked it better when the bowls were tied to conferences. The Rose Bowl was fantastic with the Big 10 and Pac 8 then 10 then 12 playing each other year after year. Conference champs duking it out. You can’t go backward anymore.

Since I moved to Las Vegas, the Big 10 has been less dominant around conversation. The Pac-12 dominated since there were so many people around that went to a Pac-12 school. Now that they are joining the Big 10, I gave them some tips:

• They probably shouldn’t wear board shorts and sandals to a game in Minnesota or Wisconsin in December. Bring a lot of bug dope if you are playing there in September. Bring a hot dish if you play there in November.

• Traveling to Ohio State as a visiting fan is less safe than going to Iraq.

• Do not try to drink an Iowa or Wisconsin fan under the table. You will lose. Drinking is what makes the corn maze fun for Iowa people.

• If you want to get a Michigan State fan off your porch, pay them for the pizza.

• Indiana and Purdue are where the Chicago kids who didn’t get into Illinois matriculate

• Northwestern is just the spoiled trustafarian little brother of Stanford. The Big 10 keeps them around for the guaranteed W.

• You only go to Rutgers if you want to go to NYC.

• Don’t bring your children to Penn St for obvious reasons.

• You can see Nebraska from Chicago. There is probably no need to go there.

• Stay away from Maryland since it’s too close to Washington DC.

• Michigan people pretend they are in the Ivy League and will tell you they went to Michigan five minutes into any conversation no matter how many times you have met them. They will blather on about Michigan men, but notice how they never speak of Michigan women. If you saw them you wouldn’t talk about them either.

• Thank an Illinois alum since we built the internet and no one could read this without it nor could we stream games. Given that, it is probably our fault that all this conference realignment happened since the money wouldn’t be possible without the Internet.

GO ILLINI!

(ADDED)

For people from the Left Coast coming to the Midwest for the first time:

If you order sushi in Iowa or Illinois, it is really hackpeter.

If you order sushi in Nebraska, it’s steak tar tar.

If you order sushi in Minnesota, it’s lutefisk.

If you order sushi in Wisconsin, it’s a Fish Boil.

If you order sushi in Michigan, Indiana, or Ohio, they will bow and think you are from Japan. But, you get tax credits for building there.

If you order sushi in Pennsylvania, you get a Yuengling.

If you order sushi in Maryland, you get charged for a government contract.

If you order sushi in New Jersey, you get spaghetti.